Her Story Wasn’t Finished
What does it mean to be ENOUGH?
Disclaimer: Our world is diverse place. There are many different religions and belief systems. When I answer these questions, it will be from my own beliefs and worldview. If you do not agree, that’s okay! If you’d like to discuss more, my DM’s are open. But please no hate or bullying!
I’ve asked myself this question many times over the last week, and through trial and error, I’ve decided—I don’t know. Humans are ever changing beings, growing and molding into various versions of ourselves. Some believe we can become a new person entirely! But what happens to that old person? Where do they go?
Nowhere.
The old me did not disappear. I have the same physical attributes. The same insecurities still haunt me. I laugh about the same things, and cry about the same things. But I would say, as the years have gone by, I have become an entirely different person than I was just a short time ago.
In just five years I became a wife and a nurse. I have done a complete 180 with my career path, pursuing a dream I’d forgotten. I have suffered loss, and also many mountaintop moments. My life looks VERY different than how I had expected it to look five years ago. And when I look in the mirror, I also look VERY different than I did five years ago. Older, I would say, much to my chagrin…But that’s beside the point.
This begs the question. Did I change into an entirely different person, or did I morph into a version of myself that I didn’t know yet existed?
As a child, I was very quiet. I enjoyed reading and drawing. I played with toys on my own, coming up with very imaginative scenarios for my littlest pet shop. I did not have tons of friends, and my family moved around quite a bit. It wasn’t until middle school, when reading fantastical books became lame, I had to learn how to adapt. I felt like I had to be a certain type of person for others to like me. I felt like I had to pursue medicine, because that’s what made sense. I wonder sometimes, if I had just pursued the impractical then, where I would be today.
Isn’t it funny how when you hit your mid-twenties, you suddenly wake up and realize you have been putting on a facade? That the person you are to the world, is not who you are at your core? Yea, that hit me like a truck.
I did not realize how much I touch on this in my novels. Hopefully, if everything goes to plan, you will read them one day. But the main character in my current manuscript out with literary agents (Project Dreams we’ll call it) undergoes massive changes in her way of life. She suffers loss and challenges that are in the context of a fictional world, but can be directly paralleled with forces we face in reality. Many of which turn into the driving momenta of who we become as individuals. The throes of grief. The need to survive. The temptation to enact revenge. Daring to love. Fear for the future. The redemption of the past. She faces all of these things and continues to change, grow, and most importantly, fail. She pursues the version of herself she is at her core, not who the people around her think she is.
We can apply this concept in every area of our lives. Everything we go through changes us, either in small amounts or big ways, and that is okay! You will not be the same person you are today in ten years. You will break and rebuild. You will triumph and fall. You will love and lose. All of those things will change you. They will make you look at life through a new lens, for better or worse, but likely for the better.
One of my favorite quotes from Project Dreams is when the male main character says something along the lines of, “The concept of enough is nothing more than an unending well we expect others to fill, until one day we feel a small sense of contentment. The truth is no one will ever be able to fill it to the brim. Only you can decide if you are who you want to be. I only need you to be you, and that is enough for me.”
If you are a believer, we know that Jesus is who defines our identity. But in the world of this book, Christianity and what it means for us does not necessarily exist. It is not a direct allegory of any biblical stories, nor the story of Jesus, so, when the MMC says “no one,” he is referring to no human around her, even himself, because he will fall short of that expectation.
We are all imperfect, trying to figure ourselves out at the same time. We cannot make others feel enough when we are trying to figure out what that means for ourselves.
A final note: You are distinct, fearfully and wonderfully made, but it is okay to embrace the change. It is okay to allow yourself to morph, even when it’s uncomfortable. It is okay to pursue your interests, even if they go against the mold. It is okay to allow your story to remain unfinished, you never know who you will become. But through it all, you are enough, because you are you!
As always, thank you for reading!
Much love,
Jan
