The Curious Case of Doubt Syndrome
If you’re reading this, know that I’m not offering a master course with three steps to solve all your life problems.
I also do not claim to be an authority on the human mind in any way. All statements below are purely my own convictions, and not to be taken as medical advice. Now that those disclaimers are out in the world, in my near twenty-seven trips around the sun, I do have some things to say on this topic. I hope you can relate to them.
Short story: I wrote almost 4,000 words yesterday in my current novel and still doubted my ability. That’s it, that’s the story. Why did I doubt myself? Because I also received five rejections on my querying manuscript over the weekend. FIVE. Rejection is the name of the game, and sometimes I don’t want to play anymore. But at least those five emails got me out of bed on a Monday morning with my butt in gear to write.
Rejection stings, and I’m learning that it is truly the bane of my existence. I also believe that rejection is one of the roots of self-deprecation, leading to diminished self-worth and what I like to call Doubt Syndrome. Trust me, I’m going somewhere with this.
You might be like me. I put a lot of stock in what others think about me. I know, I know, it’s surprising because I’m brutally honest about my quirks and faults on this blog. I shouted from the rooftops that I spend my days writing about fantasy worlds and fictitious characters. The only reason I’ve managed to post again is because I discovered you can’t comment on it. *Cue evil laugh* You’ll just have to keep your scathing remarks to yourself…or DM me, that’s fine too. But please don’t. Anyway, I’m getting lost down Tangent Road.
Everyone always says not to care what other people think of you. In theory, yes, that’s true. You shouldn’t care. If you have no problem letting other people’s judgements and opinions waft away with the breeze while you dance in a field of tulips, more power to you! What’s it like to have such fortune?
Honestly, just let it go, is bad advice. The reality is, it isn’t easy to not care. Our society is built on performance—tests and grades and quarterly reviews. Our human nature lends us the drive to want people to like us, to fit into community, to have loyal friends and great loves, and put our best foot forward. The problem arises when we allow others’ opinions to control us, finding our worth in opinion, rejection, and conjecture.
I was on a downward spiral and didn’t even know it. You know the one I’m talking about. For example: Your coffee machine doesn’t brew. Check. Someone cuts you off on your way to work, nearly causing an accident. Check. You don’t realize until lunch you left your food on the counter. Check. Now, it’s 4 PM and your boss tells you the project you spent hours on the day before needs to be redone. Soon, you’re on the verge of no return. You’re angry, tired, and frustrated. Your mind is vulnerable, and at some point, your thoughts find themselves in a pit of despair…am I even worth anything?
I lied. I’m going to give you three things that have helped me. I promise I won’t ask for your credit card information at the end.
Positive self-talk
Shift your inner monologue from The Crown of Jaehaerys by Ramon Djawadi for House of the Dragon. Oh, just me? I’m really exposing myself here. If you see me in person, no you didn’t. But seriously, shift your thoughts from negative to positive. It’s similar to classical conditioning. Just like my dog learned that a beep on the fridge means ice cubes will fall on the floor for him, train your mind to react to rejection with positivity. Figure out what your go-to negative thoughts are and flip them. It seems elementary, but if you create the habit, your brain will rewire.
Avoid comparison
Okay, I didn’t say I was reinventing the wheel. A little competition is good for the soul, except for when you’re in that pit of despair. I beg of you, when that happens, AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE. My patronizer is the spawn called Publishers Marketplace. If you pay a small fee every month, you can see current literary deals. Sounds helpful, right? Yes and NO. A certain debut-ish author recently brokered a seven-figure deal with a major film studio to turn their book into a movie. No hate for them at all, but when I saw that, my first thought was: that will never be me. My books will never sell. My writing isn’t good. Why am I even doing this? It’s so easy to allow other people’s journeys to dictate how you view your own. Delete Instagram. Delete X and threads. Delete TikTok, if you must. Cut out the avenues that lend you towards insecurity for a while and return to step one.
Find someone who will lift you up
This can be your spouse, a friend, even a random passerby on the street if you see fit. However, I wouldn’t recommend that. Find someone who will be honest with you about your thoughts and can help you distinguish fact from lie. Here’s some truths I like to remind myself of: You are unique, fearfully and wonderfully made. You can do whatever you put your mind to. Your journey is your own.
Until next time, dear reader, rejection is unfortunately a part of nearly everything we do here on Earth. It doesn’t always mean not ever. It might just mean not yet.
-Jan
